I miss

Things I miss about 9th grade.

I miss getting easy math

I miss not having a ton of homework

I miss the short classes

I miss getting out early on Fridays

I miss walking home from the bus stop

I miss ceramics

I miss the "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" jokes in ceramics

I miss talking shit in ceramics

I miss having almost every class with Jd

I miss having friends who are girls

I miss having freedom on the weekends

I miss 9th grade so much.

As if you aren't creepy enough...

So apparently Sunday's post didn't get posted until today.
What the fuck?

So today has been rough.
Tomorrow will be better.
So much better.

I went to bed late and woke up feeling sick.
Then I started having ITunes drama
I don't have real life drama, because my friends aren't dramatic, and I'm not either.
But ITunes drama is the worst.
I updated my ITunes library and it erased some music.
Here's a list of shit it managed to erase:

Pretty much all my Slayer albums with the exception of "Reign in Blood"
All my Megadeath
Two Alice In Chains albums
Nine Dream Theater albums
A few Bullet For My Valentine songs
All my Bring Me The Horizon
Two Godsmack albums
All my D.R.U.G.S
And all my Pantera...with the exception of two songs. (Thanks for being merciful, ITunes)

So then I start feeling sick. And I find out I have a physics test on Wednesday. Oh joy. I have to make a study guide for that which is what I should be doing now but...whatever. I have a math test on Friday. Which sucks and OH I have an F in world history. How? Well apparently my midterm test went in as missing. I don't know how it happened either but it was enough to bring my grade down from a 97% to a 47%. Today is not my day.

In summary, today sucked dick.


Question: How was your day? I sincerely hope it wasn't as worthless as mine.

DRAMA!

Okay so I don't know how to start this. There's this guy. Actually there's two guys.
So I guess I'll start off with my pathetic crush on this guy in my physics class. It's seriously pathetic. My friend and I are having a contest to see who can say more words to their crush. The score? Him:86 Me: 54
I kinda creep his facebook page...it's sad, I know but anyways it's like everything I find out about him, makes me like him even more. Seriously like we have SO much in common. He's like the guy version of me.
1. He likes Slayer, Dream Theater and Megadeath
2. He uses "That's what she said!" more than I do (I didn't even know that was possible but I guess it is)
3. He's into MMA and UFC etc
4. He's cute as hell (Hi, if you're reading this right now, stop.)
5. (I'm writing this just because I can) according to B, he has " HE HAS GORGEOUS SHOULDER BLADES" 
So yeah. I've said like 54 words to him. I'm seriously impressed with myself. Because I am so shy it's ridiculous. I'd tell you what I've said, but it's just depressing. Like not even interesting. I actually said Hi once but that doesn't matter because well... he didn't hear it!


ANYWAYS there's this guy named Kevin(Well Kevin isn't his real name)
So I'm starting to get kinda freaked out. At first, yes I liked him...a little but he's just WAY too into me. On Thursday, he asked me if I wanted to hang out I said yes so we hung out at my place(Nothing happened for those of you who were wondering) On Friday he asked me if I wanted to go to a game with him again, I said yes. So we hung out on Friday  and he also asked me  out. And I said "Maybe" For these reasons :
1. It was way too soon. I don't know him well enough to date him! I mean being friends with someone before you go out with them isn't too much to ask for...is it? I mean I'm not saying I wanna know every dirty little secret but I do want to get to know him better like his personality and what not. He makes a lot of comments on my looks which worries me a ton. I don't mind if a guy calls me hot or sexy but he doesn't even know me that well. I just think I need to get to know him better.


2. The situation is complicated...very complicated. 


3. I'm still really into the guy in my Physics class. Because in all seriousness, have you seen his shoulder blades? Yeah I didn't think so. You haven't seen how hot he is so don't judge. Like seriously we'd be so good together, it makes me wanna vomit.


4. Kevin's kinda creeping me out. So we hung out on Thursday, and Friday and my birthday party was on Saturday so we hung out then too and he texted me about two hours ago and asked if I wanted to hang out again. DUDE I need a break. I can spend DAYS with my friends, but with a guy who's interested in dating me? HA! I can't spend that much time with him. I NEED space. I can be kind of a loner. I can also be VERY distant. There are times when I turn my phone off for weeks at a time and I need a guy who can deal with that. I can't have a guy who wants to spend every moment of every day with me. I don't want to be in a relationship where he's telling me he loves me with in a week. I seem to have a problem attracting this type of guy. Honestly, I've had to block three numbers. I can't be with a clingy guy. Today my mother and I were at the mall and I was applying for jobs. Kevin decided to text me. I am being totally serious. This is what happened.


2:03 PM
Him: hey =)


2:05 PM
Him: Hey :)


2:06 PM
Him: Hey :)


If you're reading this and wondering if this is a red flag, well... uh...
Fuck yes it is!


On a scale from 1 to 10 (Ten being the most worrisome) this would rate at at least an 8.
DUDE give me a few minutes to reply! Sometimes my friends take ten minutes to reply! I don't send three hellos to them one and two minutes after I sent the first one! If they don't reply the first time I assume they're busy! My phone was on silent because I was applying for jobs! The three hellos weren't really creepy, it's just worrisome. If you can't wait two minutes for me to reply, we have a problem. Yeah. I am one of those people who needs tons of personal space. I LIKE SPENDING MY SUNDAYS ALONE. Let me make that bold. ALONE. I don't mind going on dates on a Friday night but I'm not gonna hang out with you every day I can. I'm just a really distant person and I need a guy who can deal with that. ALSO I don't want to worry about a guy hurting himself because I break up with him. And just an FYI I have the tendency to push clingy guys away.


SO yeah on this one...I'm leaning towards a no.


Question: Are you the type of person who needs TONS of space?


Summary:
There's this guy in my physics class that I have a crush on and he doesn't know I exist and then there's this guy named Kevin who I could like but he's getting wayy too into me


Last night I had enough of you
I put down the brakes
And I could tell you took it hard it was over your face
Since you're slippin and flippin
But here is the sitch
I signed up for a man
You are just a bitch

You should know
That I love you a lot
But I just can't date a dude with a vag

Now you have two broken arms...GUESS WHAT YOU CAN'T DO!

So. Who wants to hear about my Friday night? It's interesting. I promise.

Funny thing about high school football games: When you're avoiding the guy who has managed to shatter your self confidence and break your heart on two different occasions...YOU WILL RUN INTO HIM.

    

You can walk around like a ninja, checking over your shoulder every five minutes making sure he's not following you or standing right behind you or walking towards you or whatever and you're still going to run into him.

But before I start talking about him, let me tell you about my Friday afternoon.

I watched Law and Order, then I played "Cowboys From Hell" on my bass, then I was listening to "Symphony Of Destruction" and then I started to walk to a restaurant to meet my friends and then we went to the game. I was happy for these reasons:

1. It's Friday

2. It's Friday and I'm hanging out with my friends

3. I don't have to go to school on Monday!

4. My birthday's coming up!!!

So anyways we run into him.  First we weren't avoiding him like ninjas lurking in the allies because I didn't think he'd be there. So he walks by and I'm like "FUCK. I wanna go home."

And my friend Andrea said "Oh shit! Was that him?" So basically, we were doing everything in our power to make him NOT notice me. Now before I tell  you what happened next you have to know a few things about me:

1. I don't wear shorts. Ever. I'm serious, you will never see me in a pair of shorts.

2. I don't like rap. Especially, Lil Wayne and T-Pain

3. If I have something from Hollister, I bought it from a thrift store.

4. My real name is not Jessica.

5. Oh and I don't do ballet...at all.

So we're standing watching the game and all of the sudden Andrea looks at me and says "Do NOT turn around." And she mouths "He's right behind you."

So we're awkwardly standing there trying to avoid the only guy who's actually hurt me and talking about the weather.

Then she turns to me and says "So...JESSICA do you wanna hang out after ballet?"

"YES AND LET'S GO TO HOLLISTER AND BUY SOME REALLY SHORT SHORTS AND WE CAN LISTEN TO RAP ON OUR WAY THERE!" Yeah, we were pretty loud there.

After we were able to get away without him noticing me, I was like "Dude. Now he knows that wasn't me!"

Normally I wouldn't go to these lengths to avoid someone, shit I don't even put this much effort in avoiding my ex but whenever I'm around this guy, I turn into a mess.

So I spent the rest of my evening crying myself to sleep listening to "Baby Blue Eyes" I don't even know what's wrong with me.

In summery: I guy I liked a very long time ago was able to ruin my Friday night and he doesn't even know

Question: What would you do to avoid your Ex or the idiot who broke your heart?

I let him think he's a know it all
But whatever he does wrong, it seems so right
My eyes don't believe him, but my heart swears by his

Baby, baby blue eyes
Stay with me by my side
til the morning, through the night
(cant get you out of my mind)
Well baby, stand here holding my sides
Close your baby blue eyes
Every moment feels right
And I may feel like a fool
But Im the only one dancing with you 

Know me broken...by my master

Hey what's up? So if you're wondering about my crush, I didn't see him to day because of this A/B day schedule...


B days are my favorite.


Okay so. Moving on to school.
So I have Spanish homework, Engineering and Design homework, and I've got some World Civ stuff to do and oh yeah I'm doing robotics! Yay! Fuck, I'm bored. I'm literally sitting at the computer twirling my hair and watching porn. Just kidding.


I'm typing this blog.
DUH.


Okay so moving on to drama.
I just pissed my mom off, by asking her to leave.
So did anyone watch Jersey Shore last night?
Don't worry I didn't either.


Okay SO I'm going to do TWO new things in my blog. At the end, I'm going to sumerize the whole fucking block because there are people out there who just don't care to read this and I'm going to Post song lyrics after the question. So yeah.


In summary.
I only see the guy I like on B days, and B days are my favorite. I have homework from three classes. I don't watch Jersey Shore, and my mom is mad at me.


Question: Do you like raisins?
They're amazing.


"Into The Flood Again
Same Old Trip It Was Back Then
So I Made A Big Mistake
Try To See It Once My Way"

Torn.

So I kinda have a crush on this guy. Correction. I had a crush on this guy. Okay so what happened was there's this girl who I'm becoming friends with and I asked her who she liked. It's so fucking predictable that I don't even need to say it. We like the same guy. SO I told him, got in physical fight with her and now he and I are dating....just kidding. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I was just kidding. She didn't know I liked him, I just told her I don't have a crush. She also told me she's liked him for three years. Call me ridiculous but if she's liked him for three years, she can have him. I'm not gonna fight her over this. I'm sorry but ruining a friendship over a relationship with a guy that can last three months AT THE MOST is insane. I give up, I'm not gonna chase him around if she's been at it for three years. When I was six, I met my best friend. His name isn't important anyways, we're still best friends today and I had the misfortune of liking him when I was younger. When I was 10, he went to middle school and I was still in elementary(I liked him for about four years). He was also a year older than me. Anyways, after that, I moved. The distance tears me apart. I never knew what a broken heart felt like until I found my self crying myself to sleep over it five years later.  Basically, what I'm trying to say is, when you like someone for a long amount of time, it's insanely sucky to get your heart smashed. I know that from experience. Getting your heart smashed and being backstabbed by a friend is even worse. Thankfully, I don't know that from experience.  

Shut up and tell me I'm pretty

SO got my braces off today. Hell yes. Uhrm not much else happened other than my self esteem being boosted by like erm let's see... a lot! It's so weird! I feel SO pretty. Even though I'm not. Well I'm not ugly but I'm not gorgeous. My teeth feel weird and slimy and GROSS. But they actually don't look bad. I hear stories about people who end up with holes in their teeth when the braces come off because they didn't brush. I brushed my teeth and I still do but I was absolutely FREAKED OUT. "What if my brushing wasn't good enough? What if the toothpaste wasn't the right kind?" They're a little yellow in some places but nothing to worry about. Apparently whitening strips will fix it. And now I have to wear a mouth piece for jujitsu ): so sad. I can't wait for them to take the bottom ones off. Oh and I have no holes in my teeth! I was so worried! I asked them about a hundred times if I'd have holes and they all looked at me like I was insane. I also thought it'd hurt when they came off but it didn't! I didn't feel a thing! So yeah. I freaked out over nothing. ANYWAYS. Tomorrow I go to pick up my retainer it's purple and it has a unicorn on it. In my words, "It's totally pimp" so yeah. Feel free to tell me I'm gorgeous.

Oh my Goddess. I forgot to ask you a question. Uhm what was the worst thing about having braces? If you've never had braces, would you want them?

I have a crush.

I'm debating in my mind weather or not I actually have a crush. It's not like I really like the guy...but at the same time, if he asked me out I'd say yes. So yeah I've got a crush. Uhrm....what else? Oh so I'm a sophomore we have an A/B day schedule it makes the day go by SUPER fast,,,I loves it ta death. I'm getting my braces off tomorrow, I still wanna be a cowboy uhm...what else Oh I'm super fucking nervous about the whole braces thing. It totally freaks me out. I'm terrified of having holes in my teeth yeah you can say it I'm a paranoid conservative. What else? Oh Pagan Pride day is September 10th. FUCK YEAH! I didn't know they had pagan pride parades but apparently they do. So yeah I'm super fucking excited. Uhm so I guess you wanna hear more about my crush? I'm sure you don't and that's okay because I don't know what to say about him. I don't wanna sound like a psycho so I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Anywhozles here are some lyrics:
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if i go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dial her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all i heard was nothing


Hi okay question here: What are you excited for?


I'm excited for Pagan Pride Day!

Justin Bieber is my soulmate...How sad.

So my mother has this  HUGE Astrology book. It has all 366 birthdays(February 29th). So I was flipping through it. On my birthday page it has lists of other birthdays like Relationship/friendships or fatal attraction, Beneficial and Soulmates.

I saw the date March 10th under the "Fatal Attraction" list. I was immediately heart broken.Unfortunately, Chuck Norris and I are not soulmates....Then I saw the date March 1st under soulmates. Sadly, that's Justin Bieber's birthday. So yeah. Justin Bieber is my soulmate and It's not going to work out between Chuck Norris and I...oh I am crushed.

You'll never fucking believe this

One day, God was sitting in Heaven thinking about embarrassing menstrual stories. He thought it'd be funny for a person to have the absolute WORST luck ever when it came to periods. God then decided to make a girl and put her in the most embarrassing situations involving menstruation. That's when God decided to make me.

When I was ten, I was really excited to get my period. I really wanted to be one of the "grown ups". I was excited because I was totally oblivious to the sucky horror of a menstrual cycle.

Finally, I got my period when I was ten. I felt sick and bloated that day but I went to school anyways. So I'm sitting on the floor after school with my friend playing monopoly or whatever and I felt this...strange feeling. Ladies you know the feeling, guys...just try to imagine...if your stomach is strong enough.

"Are you okay?" he said
"Huh? Yeah. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I think I'm going to throw up."
I came back later and said this: "I'm dying."
"What?"
"I'm bleeding, and I'm gonna bleed to death."
"Where are you bleeding?"
"My pants!"
He looked at me very seriously and said, "Uh. I think you need a tampon."
*This is the shortened version of the story. The longer version is too painful to write.
After getting my first period, I decided I didn't want them any more and I BEGGED my mom to take me to the hospital and have them make it stop. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

About a year and a half after this something crappy happened.
I got my period while I was at my granparents house in wisconsin.
I had a few pads in my back pack but not enough. I decided to wear the heaviest one for the first three days, and the lightest one the fourth and fifth day.
Then I realized there was a problem. My grandfather(Grandma's boyfriend) was a man so there was no trash can by the toilet and my grandmother was in her seventies so obviously, she had no pads.
*Stop reading here if you have a weak stomach.
So with no trash can, I put the dirty pads back in my backpack. GUYS, if you're man enough to still be reading this, period blood is different than normal blood. It's not like the blood you get from a bloody nose or a scrape. Not only is the consistency different, it has a VERY distinct smell (Edward from "Twilight" knows this.). I would not advise you to put used panty liners in your backpack and keep them there for a month, because that's disgusting. But when I was eleven, I didn't care and by then I thought my period was the worst thing that had happened to me, also, the most embarrassing. When I got home from my two weeks in Wisconsin, I was ready to throw the pads in the trash. I threw them in the garbage can outside, but I had opened my back pack in the bathroom. I'd rather leave the details out from here, but my whole bathroom smelt like a bloody vagina and I had to throw my back pack away when my mom wasn't looking. The worst part of this is, that's not even the most embarrassing/disgusting story.


When I was in South Dakota on a family reunion a year later, I had my monthly gift from aunt flow. SO being the smart little daughter of a whore that I was I learned how to make a pad out of toilet paper and a hair tie. The only catch: YOU CAN NOT play sports or wear a skirt. If you play sports with the "Hair tie panty liner" it will fall out. If you wear a skirt with the hair tie panty liner, it can fall out...and that's embarrassing.


The first day of school when I moved to Utah, I got my period...
Good thing I had already invented the hair tie panty liner.


One day I decided to clean out my backpack when I did, I took out ALL of my tampons. So I'm sitting in science class and I get that feeling and I'm like "OH SHIT." Of course, the guy I'm sitting next to is insanely cute I never had a crush on him, he just happened to be REALLY cute. Oh and if you're reading this, yeah, I was checking you out.  ANYWAYS I didn't have a pad or a tampon): so I went through the next two periods trying to keep from bleeding everywhere on everything. I was considering asking my friend Andrea for a pad or tampon but she was in my fifth period class and we weren't exactly friends we had just talked a few times. Finally, when I get through english class I get up to leave and THERE'S BLOOD ON MY CHAIR.
So I HAD to ask Andrea for a pad or a tampon cause she was the only girl I knew. Unfortunately, she didn't have one so we had to go to the office to get one....We've been friends ever since(:

So uhm I got my period in jujitsu and that was probably the worst/most embarrassing thing ever. I'm not exactly sure how many people knew. The only thing I was thinking was "I am in a room full of people who have absolutely NO understanding of what I'm going through." and my mom wouldn't pick me up 'cause this was "Just too funny."

And for what just happened that you'll never fucking believe.
In the morning, I was getting kind of a stomach ache so I decided to lay down and try to take a short nap. When I woke up the pain was horrible! I thought maybe I had to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and urinating didn't solve my abdominal pain so I went and laid down. Finally, two hours later, I was paralyzed from the waist down. I couldn't walk and I was in a great deal of pain. I called my mom and she took me to the emergency room. The doctors gave me pain killers and took tests.
Now if you have ever been in the ER, you know that if you're not dying, it takes FOREVER to get test results back. So I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because nausea, loss of appetite, bloating, abdominal pain usually point to STOMACH CANCER. I'm very young to have stomach cancer, but nothing's impossible. So we've been in the emergency room for six hours waiting for these stupid fucking test results when I feel that familiar feeling and I couldn't do anything but LAUGH.  My mother asked "What's so funny???"
Me: "I'm like 99% sure I don't have stomach cancer, 'cause I just got my period."
 So yeah. It turns out I don't have stomach cancer!!!!
YAY!

Dear Soulmate, I don't believe in soulmates.

The average person meets 100,000 people in his or her life.
There are almost seven billion people on this earth.
Your chances of meeting your soulmate = 1.42857...-^5
[In case math isn't your thing, It's not 1%, it's  1% to the -5 which is MUCH lower than 1%]

I don't believe in soulmates, and I don't believe in marriage. I do believe in a life long monogamous relationship, however I also believe it goes against nature. But at the same time, a life long monogamous relationship is probably what I'd want to have. Mainly because divorce is messy and it costs a shit load of money and if there are kids involved it's even worse. I mean I guess I'd be okay wearing a ring and saying I'm married just not legally married. I wanna be a neurologist and I'm gonna make a lot of money (If I actually become a neurologist) what if my husband's a total mooch? What if I don't realize until we get married? If we get divorced, I'm going have to give him half of everything I have. If we sign a pre nuptial agreement, I'll still have to hire a lawyer for other things and that's going to cost a lot of money. Any ways here's a letter to the one, the guy I marry, my soul mate etc and what ever name you can come up with.

Dear...guy I'm going to get married to,
I would have addressed you in a more formal manner using your name however I don't know your name. I don't have the slightest idea of who you really are. Sometimes I wonder  who you are. I'll be walking to walmart or somewhere and I start to wonder if I'm walking right past your house. Actually, that's not possible because I don't walk through any neighborhoods on my way to walmart, except for my own. No offense to you, but as of today, I really hope you're not one of my neighbors.  So I guess I only wonder that on my way to Target because I do actually walk through a few neighborhoods on my way to Target. I bet you rarely think of me. Guys don't normally think of  "soulmates" "The one" or anything past what's happening RIGHT NOW.  So for a while now I've had this feeling that I've already met you and I don't know it. I have a list of people that I sincerely hope you are not. It's a mental list, I don't have time to sit around and make a list of people I don't want to spend the rest of my life with. A small part of me hopes I've never met you because of everyone I've met, I can't imagine being with anyone for the rest of my life. But a bigger part of me believes I've already met you and I just don't know it, I have a creeping suspicion that you don't know it either(If this actually is the case). So I guess you're wondering who I am?
My name's Delilah (Not really, it's an alias for this blog). My favorite color is purple. I LOVE metal. My favorite bands are, Bring Me The Horizon, Blessthefall, Alice In Chains, Grateful Dead, Bullet For My Valentine, Cradle Of Filth, and a million more bands but those are just my favorites. I paint a lot, I love painting. I'm kind of a nerd. When it comes to grades, I'm a perfectionist. I HAVE TO HAVE A 4.O  OR ELSE. I love sports. Baseball is my favorite, I also like basketball and football.  I don't understand soccer at all. I'll tolerate it as a sport, but I don't like it. I'm not much into golf either or tennis, I have rather poor motor skills. So as far as sports go, I usually just like to watch. Right now, I'm a blue belt in jujitsu. I love fighting and other violent sports. So I bet you're wondering what I look like. Right now, I'm 5'4 and about 116 pounds. I have brown hair and greenish brown eyes, I guess you could say they're hazel.  I love playing video games and laying around all day doing nothing... I'm pretty low maintenance...I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, It's just what people tell me. Uhmmmm what else??? Okay well I know you're not really reading this so I'll just write stuff that will probably freak you out....k? I wonder about you every now and then... where you are, who you are, whether we're friends or not. As of now, I'm kinda thinking we don't talk much. In fact, we probably don't talk at all. I bet I don't even acknowledge your existence and I apologize for that. I'm thinking you're the person I would least expect. I've heard for a perfect relationship there is a five year age difference. So following that theory, you're about 20 or 21. If you actually are five years older than me, I don't know you. I'm guessing you're less than five years older than me because I really think I've already met you and I just don't know it. Anyways...I know you're out there and I just want you to know...
I'm out here too...
You just haven't found me yet...
Or have you?

I saw a shooting star!

I was walking through the streets, ya know on a midnight walk. I was listening to "Gone Forever" and I started thinking about someone and then I saw a shooting star! IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL.

Not the memories of us, you arrogant prick.

I'm talking about the Shooting star(:

It was gorgeous.

Now I know they aren't really shooting stars but meteor showers. August 12th is a great night for meteor showers. I saw the annual  Perseids, I think. I love studying stars and when I saw it, I just gasped. and said "...................." <----------------   That was my wish! I can't tell you what it was but now it has to come true! 'Cause I wished upon a shooting star so it just HAS to come true. So yeah. I made a wish. It's gonna come true, I know it! I don't know how long it will take for it to come true. I'd imagine a few months. I don't expect to wake up and have my wish come true tomorrow...I mean that's impossible. But know this, it's gonna happen.

It has to happen....

Because I believe in magic(:

So. Have you ever seen a shooting star? I have(:

"Bro, I'm single now, I gotta step it up"

   So things aren't looking totally wonderful for Mosaic and I. I can honestly say, I don't want him anymore. My options aren't that uhmmmm... extensive? That's the word that came to my mind but I know it's not the right one. But you know what I mean. I don't have a lot of options.

   Here's the issue. I have a lot of guy friends and they're all strictly JUST FRIENDS. But I have no dating options. There's no guy in my life where there's a blurry line between just friends and...Don't know how to word it? It's just like all of the guys I'm comfortable with are guys I wouldn't even date for money. I know it sounds harsh but...it's true? I don't know why I put a question mark there because it's undoubtedly true. So my plan?


REALLY SHORT DRESSES.


Yes, this is my master plan. Here's how it came about.




So I was in jujitsu and I had to do a ton of burpees and other shit that makes me tired just mentioning it. When I was done I was hot as fuck... literally, so I just changed into the dress I wore before I went to jujitsu. It was one of those tube top dresses and it was plenty short. So on my way home, I accept the fact that I'm not going to be able to do very much walking tomorrow so I figure I'll walk to the gas station that night

*Here's where shit gets awesome

So I'm at the gas station and I walk by these two guys and one turns to the other and says: "Dude, that chick was SO hot."

And I'm just like "Fuck yeah!" even though they weren't hot. They were average...ish.
And thats when I realized:
I need to start wearing more short revealing dresses...and "accidentally" drop things.

So yeah. I'm all single and shit. It's time to step it up like eye liner and heels yo.

Okay so, question time! Which one of your qualities is the most appealing to the opposite sex? I guess mine is that I'm all laid back and chill, I'm a pretty cool girl...so I've been told.

Strange Day...

What am I doing? I'm listening to Kid Rock. Because I wanna be a cowboy baby(: So today I did nothing but loiter. I walked to Old Navy, tried on clothes I had no intention of buying, Walked to Target tried on dresses that I had no intention of buying, Walked to the mall tried on clothes, walked to Big Lots and loitered, walked to the dollarstore and got a bottle of water, walked to walgreens bought tic tacs and Then I did logic puzzles in the bookstore. I did like nothing but walk today. Anywhore, I ran into a former crush...Uhm...I wrote this about him(from a previous blog): 
      "Hey. Lately I've been thinking a lot about us. I know you don't really see you and I as an "us" but a long time ago, I did. Since I'm being completely honest, I wanna tell you that I walked to the mall through the freezing April snow to see my friends so they could hold me while I cried over you so I think you owe me one. If on my 21st birthday I end up on your doorstep, drunk out of my mind, talking about how I had a crush on you when I was 14, be a gentleman and offer me a ride home. Remember, you owe it to me." - My diary April 9th 2011


The funny thing about this guy is almost all of my friends hate him, even the ones who haven't met him.


I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure it was him...mostly because I was in a bookstore and dumbasses like him don't usually hang out in book stores...even if it was him, I didn't wanna say anything because I didn't want anything to do with him. If by some accident you're reading this, I want you to know....




You look very gay in those skinny jeans. 


*I'd like to make a note: I'm not using gay as a euphemism for stupid, he legitimately looked homosexual.


It was awful 'cause I was like half asleep, I didn't have my glasses on and I said out loud
 "Oh my Christ."


That's around the time when I realized that I am way to tired to concentrate. So I sat there and eventually my mom picked me up. Thank god. Anyways enough about my first heart break more about my day?




I had coffee for dinner today it was orgasmic. Magically delicious. Starbucks is wonderful and heavenly just like making out and Super Mario. I've decided that Starbucks is cooler than a date with my crush...oh wait...I don't have a crush. Shit. Well if I did, I'd choose starbucks over him. Starbucks is fucking rad. I've also decided that I don't like driving. I get all stressed out when I'm driving like I FREAK OUT I'm terrified. I have to listen to metal when I'm driving to calm me down. When I say metal, I mean HEAVY FUCKING METAL.


To be honest, I freak out thinking about it. Lately I've been jumping on my bed. I love jumping on my bed. So Imma go do that now! Oh, by the way...i got kneed in the vagina today...it really fucking hurt.


Question time! What's the most awkward situation you've been in in your entire life? I think mine would be...


* WARNING* WHAT I DID HERE WAS EXTREMELY STUPID. DO. NOT. EVER. FUCKING. DO. THIS...EVER!


My friend was texting this guy she started telling him about me he started texting me. She told me she had already met him at a party. She lied. It turns out her COUSIN met him at a party. She NEVER met him and had no idea what he looked like until we met him. By that time him and I were dating. He was fat...Like he was a nice guy and all...but he was fat):


"Buried him deep inside
Stars stuck in my eyes

Now he's got a girlfriend
And I've got a rock band
Cause nothing really ever goes the way it's planned
Yeah he's in Ohio and I'm on some back road
Driving to the city and then who knows
Cause that's all I wrote "

Things I'll never say

Ever had a moments where you wanted to say something but didn't?
Here's everything I've ever wanted to say to every guy who was ever important in my life. Most of these are from my diary the ones that aren't don't have dates


"******, I'm normally a very shy, socially awkward girl. I can't even begin to fathom the unimaginable ridicule I will get from our mutual friends. That being said, I think you're different than any other guy I've met because I cant seem to figure you out. One minute, I want to stop and tell you that I might have a small crush on you and the next, I want to punch you in the face. You piss me off more than any guy I've ever met and I have no idea how I feel about you, and I don't think I ever have." - Letter to "Swift"




"December 2009 - I thought you were perfect.
June 2010- I thought you were cute.
December 2010- I thought you were the biggest asshole I've ever met, and besides your looks, you have no redeemable qualities.
January 2011- I couldn't believe I used to  like you
February 2011- I realized that I am truly over you in every way
July 2011-  When I met you, I thought I knew everything. BACK THEN, I thought smoking pot and casual sex were okay. BACK THEN, I thought getting a 2.3 GPA was okay. BACK THEN, I thought I wanted to be your girlfriend, and worst of all, I thought I had a chance with you. NOW, I know I don't know everything, fuck, I'm just learning to drive. NOW, I know narcotics and casual sex are not okay. NOW, I'm a 4.0 student. NOW, I don't want anything to do with you, and seeing that your life has turned to absolute shit, I'd consider the playing field level. At fourteen I thought I knew everything, and today I just got a harsh wake-up call that reminded me that when I was fourteen, I DIDN'T KNOW SHIT. When I was fourteen, I was fucking stupid...mostly because I was crushing on you." - From my diary July 23rd 2011




"It's like every time I see him, he gets exponentially hotter. Like if he pinned me against the wall and tried to make out with me, I wouldn't do much to stop him."


"Sometimes I have dreams/ nightmares of us making out. And HE ALWAYS SUCKS AT KISSING!"


"Things are pretty great, like I'd say we're friends, kind of ish and I don't wanna make this awkward or whatever but I had a nightmare last night...I'd rather not go into details so I'll just say it in two words: We fucked. And I know you're probably wondering so I'll just answer the question you're thinking. Yes, you were good."


"Hey. Lately I've been thinking a lot about us. I know you don't really see you and I as an "us" but a long time ago, I did. Since I'm being completely honest, I wanna tell you that I walked to the mall through the freezing April snow to see my friends so they could hold me while I cried over you so I think you owe me one. If on my 21st birthday I end up on your doorstep, drunk out of my mind, talking about how I had a crush on you when I was 14, be a gentleman and offer me a ride home. Remember, you owe it to me." - My diary April 9th 2011


"I don't think he knew, but I'm pretty sure his girlfriend had it figured out. I bet they fought about it on the way home, gosh I hope I didn't break them up...but if I did, I'd be more than willing to be his rebound."


"I love you, I always have."


Oh yeah and most of these are from conversations with friends


Question time! What was your most pathetic crush ever? So...I guess I used to like a guy and he totally didn't deserve me...'CAUSE I'M SO MUCH COOLER(:

I think you're fucking stupid(Spelling lesson!)

I find it simply astonishing that 10th graders fail to spell the simplest of words. These are things I understood by the time I was in fifth grade. So here is what I would like to tell all of facebook because everyone's shitty spelling is getting under my skin. I must say, I am blessed to have smart friends who can spell correctly.

You're is a contraction for you are.
Example sentence: You're a fucking idiot.

Your shows possession.
Example sentence: Your shitty spelling makes me sick.

Too can mean two different things.
Too can mean also.
Example sentence: My friend's ex boyfriend sucked at spelling too.
It can also mean to an excessive degree.
Example sentence: It's too bad you're such an idiot.

To is a preposition.
Example sentence: I advise you to go to the store and buy a fucking dictionary 'cause every time you text/chat me I am reminded of what a total fucking moron you are.

Two is a number.
Example sentence: My two year old cousin can spell better than you.

There represents a place.
Example sentence: There is a dictionary on the shelf, I suggest you use it.

Their is possessive.
Example sentence: That is their dictionary however, I won't tell them if you take it because you clearly need it more than they do.

They're is a contraction for they are.
Example sentence: They're horrified by your stupidity.

Its shows ownership.
Example sentence: The child did its spelling homework, UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW.

It's is a contraction for it is.
Example sentence: It's a shame you're so stupid.

The apostrophe is used to show possession.
Example sentence: Those are Obama's turbans.
or The girls' books were on the table. The apostrophe goes after the "s" because girls is plural.
The children's ball was in the street. The apostrophe goes before the "s" because children is already plural.

I know eleventh graders who can't make words plural so I figure I'll add this in here too.

AN APOSTROPHE NEVER MAKES IT PLURAL.
It's not dumb-ass's , it's dumb-asses.
Example sentence: You are a bunch of dumb-asses.
Example sentence #2: It's that dumb-ass's decision.

Than is used to compare two things.
Example sentence: Obviously, I am significantly smarter than you.

Then is different(I'm not sure how to explain it).
Example sentence: I considered dating you but then I realized you were a total fucking idiot.

What's the difference between they and thay?
They: They is used to refer to two or more people
Thay: Thay is not a word. Perhaps you were trying to spell "they"?

Question time. Does it drive you insane when people make spelling errors and use the wrong there their and they're? If you haven't noticed, I'm a total grammar/spelling nazi.

Best...spam...letter...EVER

My mother got a spam email and decided to share it with me. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever read. The spam email is advertising a presumably pornographic website. However, the way the email is written is so...well...I don't know how to describe it. Here it is.


OMG how have you been? I know we havent chatted in a while! totally my fault.. this computer im using freezez all the time. i have tired ot email you a few times with no luck.. ach! sooo sorry.. so whats been up? i am finally moving near you in a couple days.. i hope u didnt forget me? its me amdison lol.. in case u DID forget, we met on ms or cl not long ago.. so im gonna be living right near you and i dont know ANYBODY OMG SHOOT ME! i have my uncle and aunt there but thats not the same.. so can u show me around? help me find a job lol.. i get there next friday late afternoon.. im gonna nee dyour cell number also..ps- im recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun *wink wink* hahahha! so anyways im soo nervous about mocing. its a load off my back that im gonna know someone there though. so i am happy we met online hehe :) I am hoping u dont have a girlfriend.. i am not a big fan of drama and stuff like that so just tell me if u do..SO I kinda think we should chat a little bit more before we meet . just to make sure we are not awkward and stuff. although i can talk forever about anything with anyone lol. u will notice that right away when we meet. so are u free friday to help me move some boxes and stuff? i hope so :) since i wont know anyone maybe u could also introduce me to some of you friends? are they nice? i am cool with gurls and guys lol.. guess u could say i am bisexual but whatever what girl isnt these days..so back to YOU mister... remind me what u do for work? for fun> what are your hobbies and what do you like sexually? we have so mucht o get ot know about each other in such little time lol! as i mentioned i recently broke up with my ex. we were together for about 6 months but there was too much drama and my friends and fmaily hate dhim. he had no job and was quite disrespectful.. was also pretty lousy in bed.. i like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex.. at least get me wet first ya know? selfish idiot. anyways so i feel free again now that i am single but i do kinda miss having that special someone to cuddle with ya know? so ur probably wondering how come i am moving right? well its a long story basicly i am broke for starters.. add to that the fact that i need to go back to school AND the fact that i ned a fresh start and there u go.. so i am gonna move and hopefully solve all 3 of those problems, the most stressfull one is my debt. i owe 8k on my visa ewwww. also i am trying to help my sister pay off her tuition fees also so she is counting on me. Speaking of which, do you have any good hookups to help me find a job? i would LOVE to be a bartender or somehting like that where I can make tips. I think i have a good look for it plus I am SUPER friendly. so here is some random stuff about me. i love star gazing, the outdoors,  porn, foreplay, massages, the internet shopping, doing my nails, sex, cooking and watching movies. when it comes ot guys i just want someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated. i can be such a good girlfriend and a total freak in bed. i am up for just about ANYTHING sexually.. seriously :) As for my current job doesnt pay that well but coming from where I lived it was my only real potion. I am sure I told u about it but if i didnt i really hope u dont look down on me for it and can accept me for who i am. See I do this webcam thing where I basicly get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit. I knowits not the most MORAL job out there but i am desperate for money and its pretty easy money. i wanna get a real job though and thats another reason why i am noving. The job suits me cause i like tlaking to people and i am quite dirty minded so its the best of both worlds and i get paid for it hehe.. Anyways here is what i was thinking.. since my computer SUCKS and its hard for me to chat by email or instant messenger.. why dont u come chat me at me work site? i can totally get u in for free.. i have 2 free passes a month to share with whoever i like.. i havent ever given any out but i dont mind giving u one as we totally need to chat before i move. see you can login as costomer but ill give u a special link where u dont pay or get billed anything. its a special vip backdooor link... this woudl be the best palce for us to chat cause i am online all the time now trying to save as much money as possible fore the move..also i will kick any other chatters out when i see you sign i. does this work for u? i  understand if  ur not cool with it.. i kno theres a lot of scammers out there so if u dont wanna chat ther then i guess ill email u in a few weeks when i get my internet all set up in the new place. although i woudl really feel more comfortable chating wiht u before i move.if u do decide to come chat me online then u have to PROMISE me that u will not share the vip link with anyone.. for any reason.. its for YOU only baby i am trusting u..once u sign in we can chat and u can see me on webcam also :) if u have one u can go on to oh la la hot.. and of  ocurse u wudnt pay me for it ur my friend DUH! I am trusting u not to abuse it though cause once u sign in u can watch ohter girls naked for free too and i wudnnt want that.. YOUR EyeS BETTER ONLY BE ON ME hahahahha!! unless of course we watch them together :) So i am trusting u.. so u can trust me the link is at the bottom of the email. remember not to give it to anyone under any circumstances! i am online right now if u wanna come chat now.. its dead in here please come :( also.. u obvioulsy need a cc to sign into the site but thats just to probe u are not a minor ...it says right on the vip link that its free since u are vip and u wont get billed anything.. ok im getting off here now.. im waiting for u baby. cant wait ot see u and meet u and hug u and kiss u..caio for now.. xoxox ----> (Censored).com/free (take out the spaces obvioulsy heheh)

I censored the website because I did not want to advertise a presumably pornographic website on my blog. After reading this email I was in shock and horror at this person's grammar. The email was filled with apocopes and other errors. At first I thought this email was real and then my mother told me that it wasn't addressed to her. So then I knew it was fake. But who would write a spam email like that? I mean I fully acknowledge the email is fake but COME ON! It's so long! Anyways, I think it goes without saying, this is the best spam email I have ever read in my entire life.

So tell me, what's the best spam letter you've ever gotten? This would be mine.

I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you babe...just kidding.

I don't want to fall asleep because I'm having nightmares that scare the shit out of me. I got absolutely no sleep last night. I came home today and passed out around 5:30. I got a text from Andrea at 5:56.
"I'm not going to the concert, my sister got grounded can you guys still sleep over?"
I wake up at 6:14 "Yupp(:"
I pass out again.
"My mom called Hawt cute..." 6:36 pm I'm still passed out asleep.
6:50 "We clapped when they called you're name. You got a metal."
8:02 I finally wake up and work on my geography homework.
11:53 I check the time on my phone and realize I have two new texts. And I realize it is too late to reply DAMMIT! I hate when this happens to me. I'll pass out, and It'll take me forever and 314 seconds to reply.
I spend so much time staring at the ceiling while laying in bed, I've considered putting butterflies on the ceiling.

I am considering going for a singing walk but I am officially afraid to go out at night thanks to the sexy cop who so kindly informed us that there is a curfew. I guess I could walk through the neighborhood. More police are out at night durning the summer because kids are more likely to break curfew in the summer. However cops normally stay out of neighborhoods. So I guess it'd be okay if I went for a singing walk.

"I do it for the drugs I do it just to feel alive I do it for the love that I get from the bottom of a bottle"

I cant stand being afraid to sleep. I hate this. Cant wait for summer.

Question: Do you take naps? I sure as fuck do(:

It's your fucking nightmare

I'm glad this blog is anonymous. Because if it weren't, I wouldn't have said half the shit I said and sure as fuck wouldn't be telling you what I'm about to tell you.

I've been having nightmares. It's strange because I don't normally have nightmares in the spring. For some reason my nightmares are seasonal. They usually start in the fall. In October, I'll start having one nightmare about 8 times a month, they'll stop in November (I'll continue to get this nightmare through out the year but it's rare) Then about half way through November, I'll start having another nightmare. This one happens about 9 or 10 times a month and usually I get this nightmare from November to February. November through February I sometimes have to put towels under my bed because I get so terrified, that I piss the bed(I am asleep when this happens of course.) However, in the first or second week of March, the nightmares stop. I mean, I still have them, but it's much more rare and they're not as vivid. Also, I never get so scared I piss my pants in the spring.

I've always been terrified to fall asleep but I didn't start having nightmares until I was 12. I absolutely hate sharing a bed but now I would give anything for someone to fall asleep with because I have been having a new nightmare. I refuse to talk about the nightmares I've been having for the past few years, because they're a bit too personal. I had a nightmare while sleeping over at a friend's house on Friday. It wasn't very personal and I didn't piss my pants in fear.

To fully understand this dream, you must understand three things about me:

1. Mosaic is a guy that I had/have feelings for
2. I am ichthyophobic. A phobia is a fear that controls your life and can many times be debilitating, not only do I not like fish, but I am legitimately terrified of fish. Some people who don't like small spaces may claim to be claustrophobic, when in reality, they aren't claustrophobic, they just don't like small spaces. A true claustrophobic would have an anxiety attack when in a small space,when some one who doesn't like small spaces would just be in a hurry to get out of the small space. I am a true ichthyophobic.
3. I despise all fish however, none of them terrify me as much as angler fish.

Mosaic and I are standing on a dock. The wind is blowing and the sky is grey.
"It's beautiful." I say looking down at the lake.
Mosaic is behind me and I turn around, our lips are inches from eachother when I say "What would you do if I told you I liked you?"
"I'd push you in."
I turn my head and look at the lake. All of the sudden, there are angler fish jumping out everywhere (If you know anything about angler fish, you know that this is impossible. Angler fish would die from pressure change because they live miles under the ocean.) "Oh." I say.
 He pulls me in even closer. "You like me, don't you?"
I smile........ and he pushes me in.


I only had that dream once. I've been having the same dream two days in a row now. I haven't decided weather I want to share it or not.


Tell me, what's your nightmare? You've already read about mine.

quelqu'un m'a dit. que tu m'aimais encore...

So I've been sick today...blahhhh.
Now that you have an update on how I've been, I'll  tell you what's going on inside my brain.

I quit. I can't chase this guy around anymore. Letter to Mosaic (A letter he will never see.)
                                                                                            



Mosaic, if you're reading this, I sincerely detest chasing you around. I absolutely hate being "just a friend". With that being said, I think you are astonishingly shortsighted in chasing around a girl who has enumerated to a multitudinous number of people that she has no romantic feelings for you, whatsoever. I have recognized that I could never be with someone so cretinous and asinine, given that you chase her around in confusing polygons, and apollonian circles, and she doesn't so much as give you a second thought. I desist to watch you get on your knees and abjure her for a date when I would have said yes in a heart beat. Now I must say, I believe you should do whatever makes you halcyon, and if (excuse my language here) being a total fucking moron and chasing a girl around who makes you look like a forlorn cretin, makes you happy, then that's what you should do. I know I may sound a little angry and here's why, because I really and truly liked you and I would have given everything to be your anything, and you stopped liking me to continue chasing around a girl who takes you for granted and has made it clear that she has no intention of dating you and that shit stings...like salt in a wound. As if I haven't said this as enough, I'll say it again, I HATE BEING "JUST A FRIEND". It sucks on every level. I hate when you call me Dude, Bro, Man, or any other name that implies that I am male. I hate knowing every word to all of your favorite songs, and I despise the fact that they're all my favorite songs as well. I don't mind giving dating advice to my guy friends, giving you advice is different because I actually like you. Oh and hearing you talk about her makes me want to stab myself in the ears. I have decided that I cannot date someone whom is still caught up over a girl who stopped caring a long time ago. I've never been one to give up but I just cant do it anymore.
                                   Sincerely,
                                                 Delilah.


Now you all know what's going on with that issue, I cant sleep so I'm going out for a singing walk(Where I wonder through the streets at night and sing because I cant sleep).

"So cold, so cold, baby, youre so cold, so cold
Take it easy baby we can make it right
Babe, you know my love is always on your side
Rest your eyes tonight
You know that my love
You know that my love is on your side"


Now I wanna know: What's the most time you've wasted on someone? I wasted three months on some jackass who didn't even know I existed. 

My heart's beating fast and I have piss in my pants

I have decided there is nothing scarier than a run in with the cops(except for angler fish).
   B had to be home by 12:00 am and we were a little slow and ended up walking her home at 12. Every thing was normal until a car drove up behind us. We were a little freaked out 'cause it just stopped and parked there, we kept walking until we heard the driver speak.
     "Hey girls can I talk to you?"
     We turned around and walk towards him. It was a cop.
     He shined the light in my face. "How old are you girls?"
     "Fifteen." I said.
    "Did you know there's a curfew? You're supposed to be home by twelve."
     "Fuck. I shoulda known. It's almost summer, cops are cruising the streets looking for kids who are out past curfew." I thought
     "There's a curfew?" Anna said.
     "Yep. So what are you doing out this late?"
     "Walking our friend home. She didn't have a ride and we didn't want her to have to walk home alone at night." I said as he shined the flash light in my face.
     "Do you live around here?"
     "Yeah. She lives right up the street and we live close too."
     "Okay." he said. "Get home soon." or some thing like that.
     I have to admit, I've never been more scared in my life. I mean, my friends and I are good kids. We don't smoke, drink, or do any type of drugs and we're all 4.0 students. We don't have much experience with cops. This one didn't take our names, which was lucky. He completely let us off the hook which was very lucky. Had he taken us in, we would be charged with a CLASS B MISDEMEANOR. I would have been charged with TWO class B misdemeanors because, in addition to being out after curfew, I was carrying a switchblade (For self defense of course) and switchblades are illegal. I could have gone to jail for FIVE YEARS. I imagine the judge would have been lenient given that we are good kids and just didn't know. However, I would have been waste deep in shit if I had been caught with that knife. We had a good defense though I mean, we're not going to let B walk home by herself in the dark, that's dangerous. Okay. Time to stop thinking about this. It's freaking me out.


Answer this! Have you ever been in trouble with the cops? What happened?

I suck at life, but this was really funny.

My mom was sitting on the couch eating and watching tv.

"When this show is over, will you take me to the grocery store?"

"Yeah."

So the show is finally over and Im like "Mom will you take me now?"

"Yeah...uh let me take a shower."

"Okay"

She just sat there

"Mom?"

No response

"Hey Mom?"

No response

"Mom????"

Still no response.

"Hey mom are you gonna take a shower?" Now let me pause here. It's important for you to know that I wasn't yelling when I said this. My voice wasn't even raised. I just wanted to know if she was gonna take her damn shower or not. I probably shouldn't have done this and what happened after this, well...I had it coming. But she was just sitting there and I didn't know if she was gonna take a shower or not. I mean she said that she'd take me when the show is over and now she wanted to take a shower (understandable) but she wasn't going to take a shower so I was starting to wonder if she was gonna take me at all. She finally responded to "Hey mom are you gonna take a shower?" And this is what she said

She got  up and yelled "YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU DELILAH, YOU SUCK! FUCK YOU!"

 I backed away 'cause I thought she was gonna slap the shit outta me. When I saw that she wasn't I couldn't help but laugh even though she was totally serious. I responded with this "Um...okay?"

"YOU ARE NEVER ALOUD TO USE MY BATHROOM AGIAN! PICK UP THIS FUCKING MESS!"

"What mess?"

She pointed at the bathtub, I had left the shampoo out and I left the towel on the floor (I do feel bad about that). I picked up my mess and she said

"YOU STAY OUT OF MY ROOM AND MY BATHROOM!"

Now this, I shouldn't have done, like I REALLY shouldn't have said this. I mean I'm surprised I'm still alive.

"I'm going to take a bath in your bathroom when you're not home, just because I can."

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM! YOU CAN WALK TO THE GROCERY STORE!"

"Okay."

The funniest thing about this story, was that she flipped out and I didn't yell once. I mean I REALLY shouldn't have said half the things I said and I'm a crappy person for thinking this is absolutely fucking hilarious. Normally, when my mother is mad, it's no laughing matter but she just flipped over nothing and out of nowhere and excuse me for being a shitty person but I laughed so hard I cried.
   Just so you know, when my mom gets mad, I'm normally not laughing, but this was temper tantrum, like the ones five year olds have in the toy store. I feel bad about leaving a mess in her bathroom and I take full responsibility for starting the fight. I deserved what happened.

Quesssytion! Do you fight with your parents? I do!

Things you don't know

Things you know


I've been playing bass guitar for five years


I'm ambidextrous


I'm a blue belt in jujitsu


Slayer is one of my favorite bands


I love old music


I'm pagan


I sleep with the window 'cause I like looking out at the stars


I love Clint Eastwood movies


Horror films are my favorite


I carry a switchblade wherever I go


I use the word cock way too much


Fuck is another one of my favorite words


My favorite color is purple


I draw on the walls in my closet all my secrets are written in there


I hate when you talk about her


I like painting


I draw all my paintings before I paint them


I freak out if I get a B+


I want to be a doctor


Things you don't know

THIS IS MY FAVORITE FONT


I favor my left hand even though I am ambidextrous


I like playing "Gone Forever" on my bass 


Three days Grace's bass lines make me feel like a total bad ass when I play


Sometimes I play "You Belong With Me" even though I know you don't


I sleep with the window open so I can look out at the stars and the stars remind me that there's something more out there


My favorite part of Gran Torino  is when Clint Eastwood says "Get off my lawn, you goddamn dick smoking (Expletive )..."


I wish I were pretty. I mean I know I'm not ugly but I wish I were pretty enough for you to notice me.


I know you used to like me (Thanks B!)


I wish I had curly hair. I mean I do have curly hair but I mean like really curly like two inch curls


I wish I were good with make up


I have Asperger's Syndrome and I wish I didn't


When I become a doctor, I want to find a cure for autism


I obsess over my grades because I worry if my grades are bad, my father will stop calling me


I wish you could see me in a huge poofy prom dress


I draw and paint my emotions, you inspired a lot of my paintings


I like seeing you happy and I can accept the fact that I'm not what makes you happy. And that's okay. I think you should do what makes you happy and if being with me doesn't make you happy then I don't think you should be with me. If chasing her around in apeirogons makes you happy then that's what you should do. 


I know I'm not exactly one of the girls, but I really want to be one.


I feel like if I wore my hair differently, if I were skinnier, if I didn't have braces, if I didn't have AS, if I acted more like a girl, if I dressed more like a girl, and if hell froze over then you might like me...well maybe


"I'll be there if you need someone, even if she isn't me." Love that quote




Now I've gotta Question: What's something someone doesn't know about you that you'd like them to know? And who is that someone? My someone is someone I've loved all my life...well most of it and if I had any balls, I'd tell him "I love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop."