Best...spam...letter...EVER

My mother got a spam email and decided to share it with me. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever read. The spam email is advertising a presumably pornographic website. However, the way the email is written is so...well...I don't know how to describe it. Here it is.


OMG how have you been? I know we havent chatted in a while! totally my fault.. this computer im using freezez all the time. i have tired ot email you a few times with no luck.. ach! sooo sorry.. so whats been up? i am finally moving near you in a couple days.. i hope u didnt forget me? its me amdison lol.. in case u DID forget, we met on ms or cl not long ago.. so im gonna be living right near you and i dont know ANYBODY OMG SHOOT ME! i have my uncle and aunt there but thats not the same.. so can u show me around? help me find a job lol.. i get there next friday late afternoon.. im gonna nee dyour cell number also..ps- im recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun *wink wink* hahahha! so anyways im soo nervous about mocing. its a load off my back that im gonna know someone there though. so i am happy we met online hehe :) I am hoping u dont have a girlfriend.. i am not a big fan of drama and stuff like that so just tell me if u do..SO I kinda think we should chat a little bit more before we meet . just to make sure we are not awkward and stuff. although i can talk forever about anything with anyone lol. u will notice that right away when we meet. so are u free friday to help me move some boxes and stuff? i hope so :) since i wont know anyone maybe u could also introduce me to some of you friends? are they nice? i am cool with gurls and guys lol.. guess u could say i am bisexual but whatever what girl isnt these days..so back to YOU mister... remind me what u do for work? for fun> what are your hobbies and what do you like sexually? we have so mucht o get ot know about each other in such little time lol! as i mentioned i recently broke up with my ex. we were together for about 6 months but there was too much drama and my friends and fmaily hate dhim. he had no job and was quite disrespectful.. was also pretty lousy in bed.. i like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex.. at least get me wet first ya know? selfish idiot. anyways so i feel free again now that i am single but i do kinda miss having that special someone to cuddle with ya know? so ur probably wondering how come i am moving right? well its a long story basicly i am broke for starters.. add to that the fact that i need to go back to school AND the fact that i ned a fresh start and there u go.. so i am gonna move and hopefully solve all 3 of those problems, the most stressfull one is my debt. i owe 8k on my visa ewwww. also i am trying to help my sister pay off her tuition fees also so she is counting on me. Speaking of which, do you have any good hookups to help me find a job? i would LOVE to be a bartender or somehting like that where I can make tips. I think i have a good look for it plus I am SUPER friendly. so here is some random stuff about me. i love star gazing, the outdoors,  porn, foreplay, massages, the internet shopping, doing my nails, sex, cooking and watching movies. when it comes ot guys i just want someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated. i can be such a good girlfriend and a total freak in bed. i am up for just about ANYTHING sexually.. seriously :) As for my current job doesnt pay that well but coming from where I lived it was my only real potion. I am sure I told u about it but if i didnt i really hope u dont look down on me for it and can accept me for who i am. See I do this webcam thing where I basicly get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit. I knowits not the most MORAL job out there but i am desperate for money and its pretty easy money. i wanna get a real job though and thats another reason why i am noving. The job suits me cause i like tlaking to people and i am quite dirty minded so its the best of both worlds and i get paid for it hehe.. Anyways here is what i was thinking.. since my computer SUCKS and its hard for me to chat by email or instant messenger.. why dont u come chat me at me work site? i can totally get u in for free.. i have 2 free passes a month to share with whoever i like.. i havent ever given any out but i dont mind giving u one as we totally need to chat before i move. see you can login as costomer but ill give u a special link where u dont pay or get billed anything. its a special vip backdooor link... this woudl be the best palce for us to chat cause i am online all the time now trying to save as much money as possible fore the move..also i will kick any other chatters out when i see you sign i. does this work for u? i  understand if  ur not cool with it.. i kno theres a lot of scammers out there so if u dont wanna chat ther then i guess ill email u in a few weeks when i get my internet all set up in the new place. although i woudl really feel more comfortable chating wiht u before i move.if u do decide to come chat me online then u have to PROMISE me that u will not share the vip link with anyone.. for any reason.. its for YOU only baby i am trusting u..once u sign in we can chat and u can see me on webcam also :) if u have one u can go on to oh la la hot.. and of  ocurse u wudnt pay me for it ur my friend DUH! I am trusting u not to abuse it though cause once u sign in u can watch ohter girls naked for free too and i wudnnt want that.. YOUR EyeS BETTER ONLY BE ON ME hahahahha!! unless of course we watch them together :) So i am trusting u.. so u can trust me the link is at the bottom of the email. remember not to give it to anyone under any circumstances! i am online right now if u wanna come chat now.. its dead in here please come :( also.. u obvioulsy need a cc to sign into the site but thats just to probe u are not a minor ...it says right on the vip link that its free since u are vip and u wont get billed anything.. ok im getting off here now.. im waiting for u baby. cant wait ot see u and meet u and hug u and kiss u..caio for now.. xoxox ----> (Censored).com/free (take out the spaces obvioulsy heheh)

I censored the website because I did not want to advertise a presumably pornographic website on my blog. After reading this email I was in shock and horror at this person's grammar. The email was filled with apocopes and other errors. At first I thought this email was real and then my mother told me that it wasn't addressed to her. So then I knew it was fake. But who would write a spam email like that? I mean I fully acknowledge the email is fake but COME ON! It's so long! Anyways, I think it goes without saying, this is the best spam email I have ever read in my entire life.

So tell me, what's the best spam letter you've ever gotten? This would be mine.