Know me broken...by my master

Hey what's up? So if you're wondering about my crush, I didn't see him to day because of this A/B day schedule...


B days are my favorite.


Okay so. Moving on to school.
So I have Spanish homework, Engineering and Design homework, and I've got some World Civ stuff to do and oh yeah I'm doing robotics! Yay! Fuck, I'm bored. I'm literally sitting at the computer twirling my hair and watching porn. Just kidding.


I'm typing this blog.
DUH.


Okay so moving on to drama.
I just pissed my mom off, by asking her to leave.
So did anyone watch Jersey Shore last night?
Don't worry I didn't either.


Okay SO I'm going to do TWO new things in my blog. At the end, I'm going to sumerize the whole fucking block because there are people out there who just don't care to read this and I'm going to Post song lyrics after the question. So yeah.


In summary.
I only see the guy I like on B days, and B days are my favorite. I have homework from three classes. I don't watch Jersey Shore, and my mom is mad at me.


Question: Do you like raisins?
They're amazing.


"Into The Flood Again
Same Old Trip It Was Back Then
So I Made A Big Mistake
Try To See It Once My Way"

Torn.

So I kinda have a crush on this guy. Correction. I had a crush on this guy. Okay so what happened was there's this girl who I'm becoming friends with and I asked her who she liked. It's so fucking predictable that I don't even need to say it. We like the same guy. SO I told him, got in physical fight with her and now he and I are dating....just kidding. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I was just kidding. She didn't know I liked him, I just told her I don't have a crush. She also told me she's liked him for three years. Call me ridiculous but if she's liked him for three years, she can have him. I'm not gonna fight her over this. I'm sorry but ruining a friendship over a relationship with a guy that can last three months AT THE MOST is insane. I give up, I'm not gonna chase him around if she's been at it for three years. When I was six, I met my best friend. His name isn't important anyways, we're still best friends today and I had the misfortune of liking him when I was younger. When I was 10, he went to middle school and I was still in elementary(I liked him for about four years). He was also a year older than me. Anyways, after that, I moved. The distance tears me apart. I never knew what a broken heart felt like until I found my self crying myself to sleep over it five years later.  Basically, what I'm trying to say is, when you like someone for a long amount of time, it's insanely sucky to get your heart smashed. I know that from experience. Getting your heart smashed and being backstabbed by a friend is even worse. Thankfully, I don't know that from experience.  

Shut up and tell me I'm pretty

SO got my braces off today. Hell yes. Uhrm not much else happened other than my self esteem being boosted by like erm let's see... a lot! It's so weird! I feel SO pretty. Even though I'm not. Well I'm not ugly but I'm not gorgeous. My teeth feel weird and slimy and GROSS. But they actually don't look bad. I hear stories about people who end up with holes in their teeth when the braces come off because they didn't brush. I brushed my teeth and I still do but I was absolutely FREAKED OUT. "What if my brushing wasn't good enough? What if the toothpaste wasn't the right kind?" They're a little yellow in some places but nothing to worry about. Apparently whitening strips will fix it. And now I have to wear a mouth piece for jujitsu ): so sad. I can't wait for them to take the bottom ones off. Oh and I have no holes in my teeth! I was so worried! I asked them about a hundred times if I'd have holes and they all looked at me like I was insane. I also thought it'd hurt when they came off but it didn't! I didn't feel a thing! So yeah. I freaked out over nothing. ANYWAYS. Tomorrow I go to pick up my retainer it's purple and it has a unicorn on it. In my words, "It's totally pimp" so yeah. Feel free to tell me I'm gorgeous.

Oh my Goddess. I forgot to ask you a question. Uhm what was the worst thing about having braces? If you've never had braces, would you want them?

I have a crush.

I'm debating in my mind weather or not I actually have a crush. It's not like I really like the guy...but at the same time, if he asked me out I'd say yes. So yeah I've got a crush. Uhrm....what else? Oh so I'm a sophomore we have an A/B day schedule it makes the day go by SUPER fast,,,I loves it ta death. I'm getting my braces off tomorrow, I still wanna be a cowboy uhm...what else Oh I'm super fucking nervous about the whole braces thing. It totally freaks me out. I'm terrified of having holes in my teeth yeah you can say it I'm a paranoid conservative. What else? Oh Pagan Pride day is September 10th. FUCK YEAH! I didn't know they had pagan pride parades but apparently they do. So yeah I'm super fucking excited. Uhm so I guess you wanna hear more about my crush? I'm sure you don't and that's okay because I don't know what to say about him. I don't wanna sound like a psycho so I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Anywhozles here are some lyrics:
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if i go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dial her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all i heard was nothing


Hi okay question here: What are you excited for?


I'm excited for Pagan Pride Day!

Justin Bieber is my soulmate...How sad.

So my mother has this  HUGE Astrology book. It has all 366 birthdays(February 29th). So I was flipping through it. On my birthday page it has lists of other birthdays like Relationship/friendships or fatal attraction, Beneficial and Soulmates.

I saw the date March 10th under the "Fatal Attraction" list. I was immediately heart broken.Unfortunately, Chuck Norris and I are not soulmates....Then I saw the date March 1st under soulmates. Sadly, that's Justin Bieber's birthday. So yeah. Justin Bieber is my soulmate and It's not going to work out between Chuck Norris and I...oh I am crushed.

You'll never fucking believe this

One day, God was sitting in Heaven thinking about embarrassing menstrual stories. He thought it'd be funny for a person to have the absolute WORST luck ever when it came to periods. God then decided to make a girl and put her in the most embarrassing situations involving menstruation. That's when God decided to make me.

When I was ten, I was really excited to get my period. I really wanted to be one of the "grown ups". I was excited because I was totally oblivious to the sucky horror of a menstrual cycle.

Finally, I got my period when I was ten. I felt sick and bloated that day but I went to school anyways. So I'm sitting on the floor after school with my friend playing monopoly or whatever and I felt this...strange feeling. Ladies you know the feeling, guys...just try to imagine...if your stomach is strong enough.

"Are you okay?" he said
"Huh? Yeah. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I think I'm going to throw up."
I came back later and said this: "I'm dying."
"What?"
"I'm bleeding, and I'm gonna bleed to death."
"Where are you bleeding?"
"My pants!"
He looked at me very seriously and said, "Uh. I think you need a tampon."
*This is the shortened version of the story. The longer version is too painful to write.
After getting my first period, I decided I didn't want them any more and I BEGGED my mom to take me to the hospital and have them make it stop. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

About a year and a half after this something crappy happened.
I got my period while I was at my granparents house in wisconsin.
I had a few pads in my back pack but not enough. I decided to wear the heaviest one for the first three days, and the lightest one the fourth and fifth day.
Then I realized there was a problem. My grandfather(Grandma's boyfriend) was a man so there was no trash can by the toilet and my grandmother was in her seventies so obviously, she had no pads.
*Stop reading here if you have a weak stomach.
So with no trash can, I put the dirty pads back in my backpack. GUYS, if you're man enough to still be reading this, period blood is different than normal blood. It's not like the blood you get from a bloody nose or a scrape. Not only is the consistency different, it has a VERY distinct smell (Edward from "Twilight" knows this.). I would not advise you to put used panty liners in your backpack and keep them there for a month, because that's disgusting. But when I was eleven, I didn't care and by then I thought my period was the worst thing that had happened to me, also, the most embarrassing. When I got home from my two weeks in Wisconsin, I was ready to throw the pads in the trash. I threw them in the garbage can outside, but I had opened my back pack in the bathroom. I'd rather leave the details out from here, but my whole bathroom smelt like a bloody vagina and I had to throw my back pack away when my mom wasn't looking. The worst part of this is, that's not even the most embarrassing/disgusting story.


When I was in South Dakota on a family reunion a year later, I had my monthly gift from aunt flow. SO being the smart little daughter of a whore that I was I learned how to make a pad out of toilet paper and a hair tie. The only catch: YOU CAN NOT play sports or wear a skirt. If you play sports with the "Hair tie panty liner" it will fall out. If you wear a skirt with the hair tie panty liner, it can fall out...and that's embarrassing.


The first day of school when I moved to Utah, I got my period...
Good thing I had already invented the hair tie panty liner.


One day I decided to clean out my backpack when I did, I took out ALL of my tampons. So I'm sitting in science class and I get that feeling and I'm like "OH SHIT." Of course, the guy I'm sitting next to is insanely cute I never had a crush on him, he just happened to be REALLY cute. Oh and if you're reading this, yeah, I was checking you out.  ANYWAYS I didn't have a pad or a tampon): so I went through the next two periods trying to keep from bleeding everywhere on everything. I was considering asking my friend Andrea for a pad or tampon but she was in my fifth period class and we weren't exactly friends we had just talked a few times. Finally, when I get through english class I get up to leave and THERE'S BLOOD ON MY CHAIR.
So I HAD to ask Andrea for a pad or a tampon cause she was the only girl I knew. Unfortunately, she didn't have one so we had to go to the office to get one....We've been friends ever since(:

So uhm I got my period in jujitsu and that was probably the worst/most embarrassing thing ever. I'm not exactly sure how many people knew. The only thing I was thinking was "I am in a room full of people who have absolutely NO understanding of what I'm going through." and my mom wouldn't pick me up 'cause this was "Just too funny."

And for what just happened that you'll never fucking believe.
In the morning, I was getting kind of a stomach ache so I decided to lay down and try to take a short nap. When I woke up the pain was horrible! I thought maybe I had to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and urinating didn't solve my abdominal pain so I went and laid down. Finally, two hours later, I was paralyzed from the waist down. I couldn't walk and I was in a great deal of pain. I called my mom and she took me to the emergency room. The doctors gave me pain killers and took tests.
Now if you have ever been in the ER, you know that if you're not dying, it takes FOREVER to get test results back. So I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because nausea, loss of appetite, bloating, abdominal pain usually point to STOMACH CANCER. I'm very young to have stomach cancer, but nothing's impossible. So we've been in the emergency room for six hours waiting for these stupid fucking test results when I feel that familiar feeling and I couldn't do anything but LAUGH.  My mother asked "What's so funny???"
Me: "I'm like 99% sure I don't have stomach cancer, 'cause I just got my period."
 So yeah. It turns out I don't have stomach cancer!!!!
YAY!

Dear Soulmate, I don't believe in soulmates.

The average person meets 100,000 people in his or her life.
There are almost seven billion people on this earth.
Your chances of meeting your soulmate = 1.42857...-^5
[In case math isn't your thing, It's not 1%, it's  1% to the -5 which is MUCH lower than 1%]

I don't believe in soulmates, and I don't believe in marriage. I do believe in a life long monogamous relationship, however I also believe it goes against nature. But at the same time, a life long monogamous relationship is probably what I'd want to have. Mainly because divorce is messy and it costs a shit load of money and if there are kids involved it's even worse. I mean I guess I'd be okay wearing a ring and saying I'm married just not legally married. I wanna be a neurologist and I'm gonna make a lot of money (If I actually become a neurologist) what if my husband's a total mooch? What if I don't realize until we get married? If we get divorced, I'm going have to give him half of everything I have. If we sign a pre nuptial agreement, I'll still have to hire a lawyer for other things and that's going to cost a lot of money. Any ways here's a letter to the one, the guy I marry, my soul mate etc and what ever name you can come up with.

Dear...guy I'm going to get married to,
I would have addressed you in a more formal manner using your name however I don't know your name. I don't have the slightest idea of who you really are. Sometimes I wonder  who you are. I'll be walking to walmart or somewhere and I start to wonder if I'm walking right past your house. Actually, that's not possible because I don't walk through any neighborhoods on my way to walmart, except for my own. No offense to you, but as of today, I really hope you're not one of my neighbors.  So I guess I only wonder that on my way to Target because I do actually walk through a few neighborhoods on my way to Target. I bet you rarely think of me. Guys don't normally think of  "soulmates" "The one" or anything past what's happening RIGHT NOW.  So for a while now I've had this feeling that I've already met you and I don't know it. I have a list of people that I sincerely hope you are not. It's a mental list, I don't have time to sit around and make a list of people I don't want to spend the rest of my life with. A small part of me hopes I've never met you because of everyone I've met, I can't imagine being with anyone for the rest of my life. But a bigger part of me believes I've already met you and I just don't know it, I have a creeping suspicion that you don't know it either(If this actually is the case). So I guess you're wondering who I am?
My name's Delilah (Not really, it's an alias for this blog). My favorite color is purple. I LOVE metal. My favorite bands are, Bring Me The Horizon, Blessthefall, Alice In Chains, Grateful Dead, Bullet For My Valentine, Cradle Of Filth, and a million more bands but those are just my favorites. I paint a lot, I love painting. I'm kind of a nerd. When it comes to grades, I'm a perfectionist. I HAVE TO HAVE A 4.O  OR ELSE. I love sports. Baseball is my favorite, I also like basketball and football.  I don't understand soccer at all. I'll tolerate it as a sport, but I don't like it. I'm not much into golf either or tennis, I have rather poor motor skills. So as far as sports go, I usually just like to watch. Right now, I'm a blue belt in jujitsu. I love fighting and other violent sports. So I bet you're wondering what I look like. Right now, I'm 5'4 and about 116 pounds. I have brown hair and greenish brown eyes, I guess you could say they're hazel.  I love playing video games and laying around all day doing nothing... I'm pretty low maintenance...I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, It's just what people tell me. Uhmmmm what else??? Okay well I know you're not really reading this so I'll just write stuff that will probably freak you out....k? I wonder about you every now and then... where you are, who you are, whether we're friends or not. As of now, I'm kinda thinking we don't talk much. In fact, we probably don't talk at all. I bet I don't even acknowledge your existence and I apologize for that. I'm thinking you're the person I would least expect. I've heard for a perfect relationship there is a five year age difference. So following that theory, you're about 20 or 21. If you actually are five years older than me, I don't know you. I'm guessing you're less than five years older than me because I really think I've already met you and I just don't know it. Anyways...I know you're out there and I just want you to know...
I'm out here too...
You just haven't found me yet...
Or have you?

I saw a shooting star!

I was walking through the streets, ya know on a midnight walk. I was listening to "Gone Forever" and I started thinking about someone and then I saw a shooting star! IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL.

Not the memories of us, you arrogant prick.

I'm talking about the Shooting star(:

It was gorgeous.

Now I know they aren't really shooting stars but meteor showers. August 12th is a great night for meteor showers. I saw the annual  Perseids, I think. I love studying stars and when I saw it, I just gasped. and said "...................." <----------------   That was my wish! I can't tell you what it was but now it has to come true! 'Cause I wished upon a shooting star so it just HAS to come true. So yeah. I made a wish. It's gonna come true, I know it! I don't know how long it will take for it to come true. I'd imagine a few months. I don't expect to wake up and have my wish come true tomorrow...I mean that's impossible. But know this, it's gonna happen.

It has to happen....

Because I believe in magic(:

So. Have you ever seen a shooting star? I have(:

"Bro, I'm single now, I gotta step it up"

   So things aren't looking totally wonderful for Mosaic and I. I can honestly say, I don't want him anymore. My options aren't that uhmmmm... extensive? That's the word that came to my mind but I know it's not the right one. But you know what I mean. I don't have a lot of options.

   Here's the issue. I have a lot of guy friends and they're all strictly JUST FRIENDS. But I have no dating options. There's no guy in my life where there's a blurry line between just friends and...Don't know how to word it? It's just like all of the guys I'm comfortable with are guys I wouldn't even date for money. I know it sounds harsh but...it's true? I don't know why I put a question mark there because it's undoubtedly true. So my plan?


REALLY SHORT DRESSES.


Yes, this is my master plan. Here's how it came about.




So I was in jujitsu and I had to do a ton of burpees and other shit that makes me tired just mentioning it. When I was done I was hot as fuck... literally, so I just changed into the dress I wore before I went to jujitsu. It was one of those tube top dresses and it was plenty short. So on my way home, I accept the fact that I'm not going to be able to do very much walking tomorrow so I figure I'll walk to the gas station that night

*Here's where shit gets awesome

So I'm at the gas station and I walk by these two guys and one turns to the other and says: "Dude, that chick was SO hot."

And I'm just like "Fuck yeah!" even though they weren't hot. They were average...ish.
And thats when I realized:
I need to start wearing more short revealing dresses...and "accidentally" drop things.

So yeah. I'm all single and shit. It's time to step it up like eye liner and heels yo.

Okay so, question time! Which one of your qualities is the most appealing to the opposite sex? I guess mine is that I'm all laid back and chill, I'm a pretty cool girl...so I've been told.

Strange Day...

What am I doing? I'm listening to Kid Rock. Because I wanna be a cowboy baby(: So today I did nothing but loiter. I walked to Old Navy, tried on clothes I had no intention of buying, Walked to Target tried on dresses that I had no intention of buying, Walked to the mall tried on clothes, walked to Big Lots and loitered, walked to the dollarstore and got a bottle of water, walked to walgreens bought tic tacs and Then I did logic puzzles in the bookstore. I did like nothing but walk today. Anywhore, I ran into a former crush...Uhm...I wrote this about him(from a previous blog): 
      "Hey. Lately I've been thinking a lot about us. I know you don't really see you and I as an "us" but a long time ago, I did. Since I'm being completely honest, I wanna tell you that I walked to the mall through the freezing April snow to see my friends so they could hold me while I cried over you so I think you owe me one. If on my 21st birthday I end up on your doorstep, drunk out of my mind, talking about how I had a crush on you when I was 14, be a gentleman and offer me a ride home. Remember, you owe it to me." - My diary April 9th 2011


The funny thing about this guy is almost all of my friends hate him, even the ones who haven't met him.


I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure it was him...mostly because I was in a bookstore and dumbasses like him don't usually hang out in book stores...even if it was him, I didn't wanna say anything because I didn't want anything to do with him. If by some accident you're reading this, I want you to know....




You look very gay in those skinny jeans. 


*I'd like to make a note: I'm not using gay as a euphemism for stupid, he legitimately looked homosexual.


It was awful 'cause I was like half asleep, I didn't have my glasses on and I said out loud
 "Oh my Christ."


That's around the time when I realized that I am way to tired to concentrate. So I sat there and eventually my mom picked me up. Thank god. Anyways enough about my first heart break more about my day?




I had coffee for dinner today it was orgasmic. Magically delicious. Starbucks is wonderful and heavenly just like making out and Super Mario. I've decided that Starbucks is cooler than a date with my crush...oh wait...I don't have a crush. Shit. Well if I did, I'd choose starbucks over him. Starbucks is fucking rad. I've also decided that I don't like driving. I get all stressed out when I'm driving like I FREAK OUT I'm terrified. I have to listen to metal when I'm driving to calm me down. When I say metal, I mean HEAVY FUCKING METAL.


To be honest, I freak out thinking about it. Lately I've been jumping on my bed. I love jumping on my bed. So Imma go do that now! Oh, by the way...i got kneed in the vagina today...it really fucking hurt.


Question time! What's the most awkward situation you've been in in your entire life? I think mine would be...


* WARNING* WHAT I DID HERE WAS EXTREMELY STUPID. DO. NOT. EVER. FUCKING. DO. THIS...EVER!


My friend was texting this guy she started telling him about me he started texting me. She told me she had already met him at a party. She lied. It turns out her COUSIN met him at a party. She NEVER met him and had no idea what he looked like until we met him. By that time him and I were dating. He was fat...Like he was a nice guy and all...but he was fat):


"Buried him deep inside
Stars stuck in my eyes

Now he's got a girlfriend
And I've got a rock band
Cause nothing really ever goes the way it's planned
Yeah he's in Ohio and I'm on some back road
Driving to the city and then who knows
Cause that's all I wrote "