Things I'll never say

Ever had a moments where you wanted to say something but didn't?
Here's everything I've ever wanted to say to every guy who was ever important in my life. Most of these are from my diary the ones that aren't don't have dates


"******, I'm normally a very shy, socially awkward girl. I can't even begin to fathom the unimaginable ridicule I will get from our mutual friends. That being said, I think you're different than any other guy I've met because I cant seem to figure you out. One minute, I want to stop and tell you that I might have a small crush on you and the next, I want to punch you in the face. You piss me off more than any guy I've ever met and I have no idea how I feel about you, and I don't think I ever have." - Letter to "Swift"




"December 2009 - I thought you were perfect.
June 2010- I thought you were cute.
December 2010- I thought you were the biggest asshole I've ever met, and besides your looks, you have no redeemable qualities.
January 2011- I couldn't believe I used to  like you
February 2011- I realized that I am truly over you in every way
July 2011-  When I met you, I thought I knew everything. BACK THEN, I thought smoking pot and casual sex were okay. BACK THEN, I thought getting a 2.3 GPA was okay. BACK THEN, I thought I wanted to be your girlfriend, and worst of all, I thought I had a chance with you. NOW, I know I don't know everything, fuck, I'm just learning to drive. NOW, I know narcotics and casual sex are not okay. NOW, I'm a 4.0 student. NOW, I don't want anything to do with you, and seeing that your life has turned to absolute shit, I'd consider the playing field level. At fourteen I thought I knew everything, and today I just got a harsh wake-up call that reminded me that when I was fourteen, I DIDN'T KNOW SHIT. When I was fourteen, I was fucking stupid...mostly because I was crushing on you." - From my diary July 23rd 2011




"It's like every time I see him, he gets exponentially hotter. Like if he pinned me against the wall and tried to make out with me, I wouldn't do much to stop him."


"Sometimes I have dreams/ nightmares of us making out. And HE ALWAYS SUCKS AT KISSING!"


"Things are pretty great, like I'd say we're friends, kind of ish and I don't wanna make this awkward or whatever but I had a nightmare last night...I'd rather not go into details so I'll just say it in two words: We fucked. And I know you're probably wondering so I'll just answer the question you're thinking. Yes, you were good."


"Hey. Lately I've been thinking a lot about us. I know you don't really see you and I as an "us" but a long time ago, I did. Since I'm being completely honest, I wanna tell you that I walked to the mall through the freezing April snow to see my friends so they could hold me while I cried over you so I think you owe me one. If on my 21st birthday I end up on your doorstep, drunk out of my mind, talking about how I had a crush on you when I was 14, be a gentleman and offer me a ride home. Remember, you owe it to me." - My diary April 9th 2011


"I don't think he knew, but I'm pretty sure his girlfriend had it figured out. I bet they fought about it on the way home, gosh I hope I didn't break them up...but if I did, I'd be more than willing to be his rebound."


"I love you, I always have."


Oh yeah and most of these are from conversations with friends


Question time! What was your most pathetic crush ever? So...I guess I used to like a guy and he totally didn't deserve me...'CAUSE I'M SO MUCH COOLER(:

I think you're fucking stupid(Spelling lesson!)

I find it simply astonishing that 10th graders fail to spell the simplest of words. These are things I understood by the time I was in fifth grade. So here is what I would like to tell all of facebook because everyone's shitty spelling is getting under my skin. I must say, I am blessed to have smart friends who can spell correctly.

You're is a contraction for you are.
Example sentence: You're a fucking idiot.

Your shows possession.
Example sentence: Your shitty spelling makes me sick.

Too can mean two different things.
Too can mean also.
Example sentence: My friend's ex boyfriend sucked at spelling too.
It can also mean to an excessive degree.
Example sentence: It's too bad you're such an idiot.

To is a preposition.
Example sentence: I advise you to go to the store and buy a fucking dictionary 'cause every time you text/chat me I am reminded of what a total fucking moron you are.

Two is a number.
Example sentence: My two year old cousin can spell better than you.

There represents a place.
Example sentence: There is a dictionary on the shelf, I suggest you use it.

Their is possessive.
Example sentence: That is their dictionary however, I won't tell them if you take it because you clearly need it more than they do.

They're is a contraction for they are.
Example sentence: They're horrified by your stupidity.

Its shows ownership.
Example sentence: The child did its spelling homework, UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW.

It's is a contraction for it is.
Example sentence: It's a shame you're so stupid.

The apostrophe is used to show possession.
Example sentence: Those are Obama's turbans.
or The girls' books were on the table. The apostrophe goes after the "s" because girls is plural.
The children's ball was in the street. The apostrophe goes before the "s" because children is already plural.

I know eleventh graders who can't make words plural so I figure I'll add this in here too.

AN APOSTROPHE NEVER MAKES IT PLURAL.
It's not dumb-ass's , it's dumb-asses.
Example sentence: You are a bunch of dumb-asses.
Example sentence #2: It's that dumb-ass's decision.

Than is used to compare two things.
Example sentence: Obviously, I am significantly smarter than you.

Then is different(I'm not sure how to explain it).
Example sentence: I considered dating you but then I realized you were a total fucking idiot.

What's the difference between they and thay?
They: They is used to refer to two or more people
Thay: Thay is not a word. Perhaps you were trying to spell "they"?

Question time. Does it drive you insane when people make spelling errors and use the wrong there their and they're? If you haven't noticed, I'm a total grammar/spelling nazi.

Best...spam...letter...EVER

My mother got a spam email and decided to share it with me. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever read. The spam email is advertising a presumably pornographic website. However, the way the email is written is so...well...I don't know how to describe it. Here it is.


OMG how have you been? I know we havent chatted in a while! totally my fault.. this computer im using freezez all the time. i have tired ot email you a few times with no luck.. ach! sooo sorry.. so whats been up? i am finally moving near you in a couple days.. i hope u didnt forget me? its me amdison lol.. in case u DID forget, we met on ms or cl not long ago.. so im gonna be living right near you and i dont know ANYBODY OMG SHOOT ME! i have my uncle and aunt there but thats not the same.. so can u show me around? help me find a job lol.. i get there next friday late afternoon.. im gonna nee dyour cell number also..ps- im recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun *wink wink* hahahha! so anyways im soo nervous about mocing. its a load off my back that im gonna know someone there though. so i am happy we met online hehe :) I am hoping u dont have a girlfriend.. i am not a big fan of drama and stuff like that so just tell me if u do..SO I kinda think we should chat a little bit more before we meet . just to make sure we are not awkward and stuff. although i can talk forever about anything with anyone lol. u will notice that right away when we meet. so are u free friday to help me move some boxes and stuff? i hope so :) since i wont know anyone maybe u could also introduce me to some of you friends? are they nice? i am cool with gurls and guys lol.. guess u could say i am bisexual but whatever what girl isnt these days..so back to YOU mister... remind me what u do for work? for fun> what are your hobbies and what do you like sexually? we have so mucht o get ot know about each other in such little time lol! as i mentioned i recently broke up with my ex. we were together for about 6 months but there was too much drama and my friends and fmaily hate dhim. he had no job and was quite disrespectful.. was also pretty lousy in bed.. i like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex.. at least get me wet first ya know? selfish idiot. anyways so i feel free again now that i am single but i do kinda miss having that special someone to cuddle with ya know? so ur probably wondering how come i am moving right? well its a long story basicly i am broke for starters.. add to that the fact that i need to go back to school AND the fact that i ned a fresh start and there u go.. so i am gonna move and hopefully solve all 3 of those problems, the most stressfull one is my debt. i owe 8k on my visa ewwww. also i am trying to help my sister pay off her tuition fees also so she is counting on me. Speaking of which, do you have any good hookups to help me find a job? i would LOVE to be a bartender or somehting like that where I can make tips. I think i have a good look for it plus I am SUPER friendly. so here is some random stuff about me. i love star gazing, the outdoors,  porn, foreplay, massages, the internet shopping, doing my nails, sex, cooking and watching movies. when it comes ot guys i just want someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated. i can be such a good girlfriend and a total freak in bed. i am up for just about ANYTHING sexually.. seriously :) As for my current job doesnt pay that well but coming from where I lived it was my only real potion. I am sure I told u about it but if i didnt i really hope u dont look down on me for it and can accept me for who i am. See I do this webcam thing where I basicly get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit. I knowits not the most MORAL job out there but i am desperate for money and its pretty easy money. i wanna get a real job though and thats another reason why i am noving. The job suits me cause i like tlaking to people and i am quite dirty minded so its the best of both worlds and i get paid for it hehe.. Anyways here is what i was thinking.. since my computer SUCKS and its hard for me to chat by email or instant messenger.. why dont u come chat me at me work site? i can totally get u in for free.. i have 2 free passes a month to share with whoever i like.. i havent ever given any out but i dont mind giving u one as we totally need to chat before i move. see you can login as costomer but ill give u a special link where u dont pay or get billed anything. its a special vip backdooor link... this woudl be the best palce for us to chat cause i am online all the time now trying to save as much money as possible fore the move..also i will kick any other chatters out when i see you sign i. does this work for u? i  understand if  ur not cool with it.. i kno theres a lot of scammers out there so if u dont wanna chat ther then i guess ill email u in a few weeks when i get my internet all set up in the new place. although i woudl really feel more comfortable chating wiht u before i move.if u do decide to come chat me online then u have to PROMISE me that u will not share the vip link with anyone.. for any reason.. its for YOU only baby i am trusting u..once u sign in we can chat and u can see me on webcam also :) if u have one u can go on to oh la la hot.. and of  ocurse u wudnt pay me for it ur my friend DUH! I am trusting u not to abuse it though cause once u sign in u can watch ohter girls naked for free too and i wudnnt want that.. YOUR EyeS BETTER ONLY BE ON ME hahahahha!! unless of course we watch them together :) So i am trusting u.. so u can trust me the link is at the bottom of the email. remember not to give it to anyone under any circumstances! i am online right now if u wanna come chat now.. its dead in here please come :( also.. u obvioulsy need a cc to sign into the site but thats just to probe u are not a minor ...it says right on the vip link that its free since u are vip and u wont get billed anything.. ok im getting off here now.. im waiting for u baby. cant wait ot see u and meet u and hug u and kiss u..caio for now.. xoxox ----> (Censored).com/free (take out the spaces obvioulsy heheh)

I censored the website because I did not want to advertise a presumably pornographic website on my blog. After reading this email I was in shock and horror at this person's grammar. The email was filled with apocopes and other errors. At first I thought this email was real and then my mother told me that it wasn't addressed to her. So then I knew it was fake. But who would write a spam email like that? I mean I fully acknowledge the email is fake but COME ON! It's so long! Anyways, I think it goes without saying, this is the best spam email I have ever read in my entire life.

So tell me, what's the best spam letter you've ever gotten? This would be mine.